i heart kirstie alley

I love Kirstie Alley's new show, Fat Actress. They are showing it every other half hour tonight on Showtime and I will TiVo it and watch it repeatedly, rocking back and forth laughing like a mental patient. This after spending the day in my old fat pants. I wore them to remind myself of how big I used to be (I lost like, 100 pounds two years ago), and to help keep me from backsliding.

On the show, Kirstie's assistant and hair/makeup artist balls-out lies to her about how big she looks and she laps it up like a creamy corn chowder, mmmm. She flips off her long-suffering agent repeatedly, snacks constantly, chain smokes, and claps her hands in glee at the prospect of getting laid by a very tall, large, attractive black man (ABM).

I loved every minute of the show from start to finish (The show opens with Kirstie crying after her morning weigh-in), but there are moments of absolute genius. My favorite Kirstie quote, "If I had a dick, I would put it in my hand." My favorite bit in tonight's episode is when she is in bed with ABM. She claps, and her Clapper does away with the lights. ABM waxes rhapsodic about her big ass and as he smacks her ass, the Clapper turns the lights back on. She claps to turn the lights off, but he smacks her ass again, so she claps - well, you get the idea. Hilarity ensues.

Kirstie Alley is my new favorite idol and if you don't like her, you are ass. I've got 20 minutes before it shows again, I'm going out to get some nachos.