girl talk at jumbo's clown room
I was at Jumbo's Clown Room this weekend with my friend Samira and her nontourage. I hadn't been there in such a long time. The last time I set foot in the place was in May, 2001. My friend David's book release party for Etiquette for Outlaws was at Jumbo's and near as I can remember, I had fun.
This cheap rat bastard sat next to my friend Marcie. He would throw one dollar down in front of a girl and say things like, "You really earned that dollar, honey!" The lineup that night consisted of girls that I wasn't all that into, so I spent a good portion of the evening watching the clientele watching the girls. I've never been to a strip club with other women, I've always been with men, either my boss or a date. So I've never had to deal with guys at a strip club jocking me or coming on to me before. Marcie was tapped out, so she gave up her seat and headed for the bar to join our other friend Betty. This guy sat down next to me. He wasn't hot, but I also grade on personality, sense of humor, confidence, etc, not just the physical. While he was attentive to the girls dancing, he kept checking me out when he thought I wasn't looking. Whenever I turned around to face his general direction (part of our group was sitting at the bar directly behind him), he'd turn and look at me. I held his gaze, yet he did and said nothing. I could feel his nerve slipping away. Buddy, we're in a strip club. You can leer openly at a half-naked girl but you can't say hi to someone sitting right beside you? I'll give a regular joe, even one with no hair and a beer gut a chance, but no guts - that's a dealbreaker.
Samira and I remained seated in front, watching the girls, comparing levels of arousal and caught up with each other's lives.
Me: Um, do we like her?
Samira : Yes, she is so Courtney Love.
Me: I'm not digging her so much. I think it's her hair.
Samira : She's kinda nasty looking. I like it.
Me: Have you seen recent pictures of Courtney?
Samira : Yeah, she's a mess.
Me: She looks like she ate someone.
Samira : So where were you?
Me: What do you mean? I was at home.
Samira : What took you so long? I was starting to get worried.
Me: You thought I was going to flake?
Samira : Well, yeah.
Me: How's Dieter? (her husband)
Samira : He's good. He asked how you were.
Me: Is he worried about me too?
Samira : You know Dieter loves you too. You know why he loves you, right?
Me: Because I'm Asian? Because I love him long time? Because I won't do oxycontin with you? Because I cock block for you? Because my hands are so small they make men's dicks look huge in comparison?
Samira : (giggling) Yes. All of the above.
(new girl hits the stage)
Me: I think we get our shoes at the same place.
Samira : I need to get a pair like those, only in hot pink.
Me: I know where to get those.
Samira : Oh yeah, I think I'm going to dance around the house just like that. Wow, that was impressive.
Me: I can do that move.
Samira : Really?
Me: That is in my repertoire.
Samira : We need to go shoe-shopping, I need those shoes.
Me: You don't need the shoes to bust that move.
Samira : No, I need it to go with my outfit I'm wearing to JoJo's party.
Me: No one will be looking at your shoes, not with your tits.
Samira : (Giggles) Yeah.
Me: Those are hot though. What size shoe are you?
(new girl hits the stage)
Samira : Do we like her?
Me: I like her boots.
Samira : Boots? I like her ass.
Me: I didn't say that was the only thing I like.
Samira : She's hot.
Me: That's it, I'm getting bangs.
Samira : (laughing) Bangs would look hot on you.
Me: So would that ass. Yeah, she's getting my money.
Samira : Your hair would look cute like that.
(JJ hits the stage)
Samira : Woo hoo! Isn't she adorable? I love JJ.
Me: Are you kidding me? She's like 50.
Samira : No, she's up there, but she's not 50.
Me: She reminds me of Clavell.
Samira : (loses it because Clavell is 65 and is one of those dragon ladies who work at the makeup counter) Ohmygod, how can you say that?
Me: Okay, she's like Pia Zadora meets Clavell. Nice rack, though.
Samira : I wonder how much plastic surgery she's had.
Me: More than you.
This cheap rat bastard sat next to my friend Marcie. He would throw one dollar down in front of a girl and say things like, "You really earned that dollar, honey!" The lineup that night consisted of girls that I wasn't all that into, so I spent a good portion of the evening watching the clientele watching the girls. I've never been to a strip club with other women, I've always been with men, either my boss or a date. So I've never had to deal with guys at a strip club jocking me or coming on to me before. Marcie was tapped out, so she gave up her seat and headed for the bar to join our other friend Betty. This guy sat down next to me. He wasn't hot, but I also grade on personality, sense of humor, confidence, etc, not just the physical. While he was attentive to the girls dancing, he kept checking me out when he thought I wasn't looking. Whenever I turned around to face his general direction (part of our group was sitting at the bar directly behind him), he'd turn and look at me. I held his gaze, yet he did and said nothing. I could feel his nerve slipping away. Buddy, we're in a strip club. You can leer openly at a half-naked girl but you can't say hi to someone sitting right beside you? I'll give a regular joe, even one with no hair and a beer gut a chance, but no guts - that's a dealbreaker.
Samira and I remained seated in front, watching the girls, comparing levels of arousal and caught up with each other's lives.
Me: Um, do we like her?
Samira : Yes, she is so Courtney Love.
Me: I'm not digging her so much. I think it's her hair.
Samira : She's kinda nasty looking. I like it.
Me: Have you seen recent pictures of Courtney?
Samira : Yeah, she's a mess.
Me: She looks like she ate someone.
Samira : So where were you?
Me: What do you mean? I was at home.
Samira : What took you so long? I was starting to get worried.
Me: You thought I was going to flake?
Samira : Well, yeah.
Me: How's Dieter? (her husband)
Samira : He's good. He asked how you were.
Me: Is he worried about me too?
Samira : You know Dieter loves you too. You know why he loves you, right?
Me: Because I'm Asian? Because I love him long time? Because I won't do oxycontin with you? Because I cock block for you? Because my hands are so small they make men's dicks look huge in comparison?
Samira : (giggling) Yes. All of the above.
(new girl hits the stage)
Me: I think we get our shoes at the same place.
Samira : I need to get a pair like those, only in hot pink.
Me: I know where to get those.
Samira : Oh yeah, I think I'm going to dance around the house just like that. Wow, that was impressive.
Me: I can do that move.
Samira : Really?
Me: That is in my repertoire.
Samira : We need to go shoe-shopping, I need those shoes.
Me: You don't need the shoes to bust that move.
Samira : No, I need it to go with my outfit I'm wearing to JoJo's party.
Me: No one will be looking at your shoes, not with your tits.
Samira : (Giggles) Yeah.
Me: Those are hot though. What size shoe are you?
(new girl hits the stage)
Samira : Do we like her?
Me: I like her boots.
Samira : Boots? I like her ass.
Me: I didn't say that was the only thing I like.
Samira : She's hot.
Me: That's it, I'm getting bangs.
Samira : (laughing) Bangs would look hot on you.
Me: So would that ass. Yeah, she's getting my money.
Samira : Your hair would look cute like that.
(JJ hits the stage)
Samira : Woo hoo! Isn't she adorable? I love JJ.
Me: Are you kidding me? She's like 50.
Samira : No, she's up there, but she's not 50.
Me: She reminds me of Clavell.
Samira : (loses it because Clavell is 65 and is one of those dragon ladies who work at the makeup counter) Ohmygod, how can you say that?
Me: Okay, she's like Pia Zadora meets Clavell. Nice rack, though.
Samira : I wonder how much plastic surgery she's had.
Me: More than you.
posted by celia at 7:42 PM
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