i wish i were more of a techie

If I were more of a techie, then I could follow the directions on how to modify my vibrator so that it's hooked up to my computer. But I want to modify a vibrator from Divine Interventions, rather than my current, run-of-the-mill vibrator. I can't decide between the Jackhammer Jesus vibrator ("Jesus was a carpenter, now he's the power tool...") or Buddha's Delight ("om, om, om, omigod!"). I should be immune to this, but I want them all!